10 reasons I want to join the Bad Example Clan

• I want a motto to shout out loud while drinking in a bar and Latin makes me giggle
• The tartan will highlight my eyes
• I’m hoping that we’ll have a rival clan to do battle with just like in West Side story
• I’ve always wanted a group with which to share my bacon
• Ever since getting kicked out of the Cub Scouts, I’ve wanted to try the whole “group” thing again
• Needed a reason to update my Christmas card list
• Two words for you, Multiple alibis
• I think I have the legs for a kilt
• I heard that clan members get to make things go boom plus make moon shine. Both of which intrigue me
• I want to see Harvey in real life, the whole square headed cartoon man gives me the creeps

I’m hoping that Sissy, Bou and Contagion will vouch for my character or lack thereof.

Please see Great Grandfather Harvey's post of all that is going down.

IS TANTUM SANUS IMMUNDA!!

YGTBSM

Today’s YGTBSM (You’ve got to be shitting me) moment comes courtesy of Savvis CEO Robert McCormick as reported by Business 2.0 magazine.

In October Mr. McCormick was sued by American Express for get this, $241,000 in charges he racked up on a visit to the NYC strip club Scores. Holy crap, that’s got to be like 10,000 lap dances.

Savvis places McCormick on unpaid leave after he admits to the visit but claims to have only dropped $20K. Well sure, 20K I can understand…

He later resigns and receives $600,000 in severance but forfeits $3 million in preferred stock.

Incredible

Why is it that “Senior Management” always has some sort of out??
Is this taught in B schools everywhere??
This really pisses me off.

USA Today featured an article last week about Enron employees who lost everything. Men and women approaching retirement who now have to start all over.

If the shoe were on my foot it would be difficult for me not to seek some sort of retribution…

One word for your retirement portfolio, diversification.

And don’t believe any of the shit coming out CEO McFuckstick’s mouth.

Oh Dear Lord!

Spurs has gone Steeler crazy!

The last time the Steelers were in the Super Bowl he made everyone leave his house so he could watch the game alone. Thankfully, I will be traveling on Super Bowl Sunday and won't have to be extricated from my home.

Would you stay after seeing the picture below?

Fantasy Football

You may not know this, but Contagion sponsored a Fantasy Football League this year. And after everything was said and done...I finished in first place.
Although, the outcome was still in doubt up until the last week. Smiling Dynamite has game yo'!

Anyway, Contagion sent me my winners swag and I just wanted to say "Thanks Contagion" you put together a fine league. It will be displayed with pride.
I can't wait until next year.

Lil' Poo-Poo

Ahh…my little Fart Ninja makes me so proud…*sniff* they grow up so fast…

Speaking of farts, I was raised in a family that thought they were funny, not some dastardly act that would bring shame on future generations of our clan. Hell, my Great Grandmother’s nickname was “Pooter McEntire” and rumor has it that she could cut one from one end of the house to the other. Unfortunately she died when I was very young so all I have are stories from the elders.

Fart Ninja

I noticed that we received a lot of comments on the "Quote of the Week" post. That made me laugh - considering I really was the "Fart Ninja" in question. Everyone automatically thought it was Spurs.

It's funny how when you start dating someone your grooming is impeccable - well at least it is for women. You never have stubble on your legs, you may even go to the extreme of waxing certain areas (I haven't forgotten about the tweezing that Morrigan failed to tell me about). You always look your best when you go out on a date - well I guess if you really like the person you do. And as far as women go - you never, and I mean never fart in front of the person you are dating (unless it is a rare tickling accident). It may go to such an extreme that you leave to go home if you know you have to do #2 rather than spending the night like you were planning to do. God forbid you do #2 and he happens to enter the bathroom afterwards, or in most cases the bathroom is near where he is currently sitting and no amount of water pressure from turning on the faucet or the tub will cover up certain sounds.

Then you hit the second stage - this is the stage where you are totally comfortable with the other person, you know you will not be dating other people and you basically have that first initial commitment and you pretty much know you are on the road to living together or marriage or both. This is a very dangerous stage - either you are comfortable with every aspect of being together or there are still small areas that you refuse to share with your partner - everyone is different.

I remember the first time I farted in front of Spurs - I believe it was an accident - I have never seen anyone spit their drink that far or laugh that hard. I of course was probably beet red and ready to crawl under a rock. But that makes me wonder - why is it so taboo for women to pass gas in front of their partner? Men do not hesitate to pass gas and refuse to either acknowledge that it's gross or apologize for it - and believe me - the funk coming from a man fart is way more offensive than from a woman fart (just my opinion).

So to conclude, yes, I am the fart ninja, and if I am warm in my bed and I suddenly have to pass gas (which is not frequent but it does happen) I am not going to get up, walk into the bathroom, shut the door, turn on the water or flush the toilet, and then fart. Spurs and I have been together for a while - we are totally comfortable with each other and have been since our first date. If he has no problem with doing it in front of me, I'm sorry, I'm not going to get out of a perfectly warm bed to fart in a cold bathroom.

Quickie

I'm packing up to hit the road again. Dallas all of next week. Fuck.
Not going to do the meme thing but will tell you that one job I had was playing "Billie Bob the Bear" at Showbiz Pizza. It was great.
Napster will entertain next week so you kids have fun.

Contagion - Where's the trophy big guy??? Did you send that thing by carrier pigeon??

Napsters Fours

It was nice of Sissy to blog again, however, she didn't have to tag Spurs and I in the process :) So here is my list of fours......

Four jobs I've had in my life:

Training Coordinator for an Insurance Services Company

Training Coordinator for a Telecommunications Company

Office Manager for an Insurance Brokerage Firm

Cashier at a record store (the bass player for the Black Crowes was my manager - weird)

Four movies I could watch over and over:

Finding Nemo

Toy Story

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

Gone in Sixty Seconds

Four places I have lived:

TLTTF, Texas

Charleston, South Carolina

Atlanta, Georgia

Enid, Oklahoma (born there - don't really remember it)

Four TV shows I love to watch:

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Family Guy

Will & Grace

Gilmore Girls

Four places I have been on vacation:

Las Vegas, NV

England (London, Cornwall, Plymouth, Bath)

Key West, FL

Cancun Mexico

Four websites I visit daily:

Yahoo Mail

My Bank's website

Weather.com

Various blogs (don't want to play favorites on this one)

Four favorite foods:

Hot dogs

Spaghetti

Bread

PB & J

Four places I would rather be right now:

Somewhere that doesn't have 30 mph wind every day

Somewhere that has grass and trees and blooming flowers

Somewhere that is near the ocean

Wherever Spurs is :)

Four people I am tagging with this meme:

I'll let Spurs handle this one with his post :)

Politics Today

O.K., If The Impaler gets to be Govenor of Minnesota then I'm a giant Leprechaun and want to be President of the United States. Everyone will get a little pot of gold...

Truthiness

The American Dialect Society has declared “truthiness” the word of the year. This word was made popular by the mock news show on Comedy Central the Colbert Report. (this is a really funny show by the way)

Truthiness, if you believe Colbert, refers to the quality of preferring concepts or facts one wishes to be true, rather than concepts or facts known to be true. Well no shit, I'd prefer to believe that I'm a retired Hall Of Fame baseball player and world renowned playboy/super spy with a cock the size of an amazonian anaconda. But the truth prohibits me...

This all sounds like lying to me but main stream media has bought into it. Supposedly the word can be found in the Oxford Dictionary as an off shoot of truthy…and clearly this makes everything alright.

“Author” James Frey, of A Million Little Pieces fame was on Larry King the other night addressing allegations that his “biography” was chock full of lies. He told Larry that there was a definite truthiness to his book and that some embellishments may have occurred.
He went on to state that this book was more of a memoir and that these were the facts as he thought them to be. Larry didn’t even blink.
Hell, Oprah even called in to support this guy. (1.7 million copies sold thanks to her book club, wonder if she gets a cut)

So I’m thinking to myself, since I’m going to be looking for a job here in the next few months I’ll base my resume on the truthiness concept. That was the easiest Doctorate degree in the history of man…

Truthiness…what a crock of shite.

Help Me Jeebus

Those that know me, know how much I love football. They also know that I'm a card carrying Steeler fan. So.....
Oh dear lord what a football game in Indy!!! The last minute almost sent me to the emergency room. I wouldn't want to remember Jerome Bettis having fumbled on what could have very well been his last carry of a Hall Of Fame career.
Heh!
I'll be a basket case next week.

Quote of the Week

Here is the quote of the week from the house of Spurs and Napster - guess who said it....

"Why would I get out of a perfectly warm bed just to fart in a cold bathroom?"

The Land That Time Forgot

It’s got to be tough being a news person here in TLTTF.
Nothing really to report...seriously. I can’t remember any murders, robberies or rapes being reported here in the last year. And yet, every night they show news teasers trying to bait viewers into watching but you just know they’re full of crap. It’s really quite sad.

Even "Mr. Excitable" the weather guy has a tough time because it’s usually the same old’ weather thing. But he tries, I’ll give him that.

Last night Napster and I were lying in bed and in between Lost and Invasion the news teaser came on with "Mr. Excitable" the weather guy damn near shouting “Guess what your day will be like tomorrow!!!”
Napster doesn’t miss a beat and says, “I wonder what rhymes with dry and fucking windy?”
The water I was drinking spewed everywhere…

Completely random thought from our trip to Vegas for New Years
I knew that we were in the middle of something nuts when I walked into the toilet at Bally’s, and had to listen to some guy free-style rapping while taking the most offensive dump ever recorded. And people were clapping…

Another Day, Another Dill Hole

In case you didn’t know it, Bode Miller is world champion ski racer for the United States of America.
His talent cannot be questioned.
His mental attitude and outlook probably should be however…

Bode was on 60 Minutes the other night and during his interview, admitted to being in “really tough shape at the top the course”.
He went on to say, "Talk about a hard challenge right there," "It's like driving drunk only there's no rules about it in ski racing." Asked if the risk meant he would never ski drunk again, the 28-year-old Miller replied, "No, I'm not saying that."
Having done my share of drunk skiing I can attest to the fact that it’s quite difficult. I couldn’t imagine what it’s like on a World Cup course. Yikes!

Miller has constantly been at odds with the US Ski Federation saying that he would race independently and or form his own rebel tour. Well, what’s stopping you from doing just that Mr. Miller?? Let me guess, is it money??

Bode has also said that he doesn’t like doing interviews and isn’t skiing in the Olympics to win medals.

All of this is cool with me but if you don’t like interviews, stop giving them. And if you don’t want to win medals, how about give up your spot for someone else??

In some respects, I can see Bode trying to come off as the hip anti-hero but ultimately I think he winds up looking like another selfish, professional athlete. Like we need more of those…

Pick a side fuck brain so at least I’ll know if you’re a poser or not.

Hey Mo!
Go Steelers!

Go Steelers Dog Watch it now on StupidVideos!

Catching Up

Whew!
What a crazy couple of weeks.
After getting back from Vegas I made a conscious decision not to fool around on the computer. I just needed a break.

A good time was had by all in Vegas. We really didn’t get too crazy if you can believe that…
It was great to see Mo and a pleasure to meet her partner in crime.
Always good to see Sissy. *side note* - My finger has healed nicely.

I love Vegas, I really do, just ask my wife. This trip however was soured, albeit marginally by the behavior of some of our foreign visitors. I won’t bitch about it too much but let’s just say that I extended my assistance on several occasions where our visiting friends clearly misunderstood where the line began and ended.
I also had to make it known that I didn’t like Gauloises smoke blown in my face. That’s just rude plus those things smell like armpit, feet, ass, and burnt hair with a hint of Gouda.
If we behaved this way in another country…I’m not sure the locals would be as forgiving.

Got back and Napster came down with a full on, rush to the hospital, kidney infection. Damn.
I think I’ve got her nursed back to health. We’ll find out today as she heads back to the doctor for a follow up.
Mmmmmm Darvocet….

This was the best College Football Bowl season that I can remember. I hate that it’s over.
The only thing left for me is a couple of NFL playoff games and the Super Bowl. Go Steelers!!!

Since I can’t stand the NBA, I have to take solace in the fact that I can catch a few NHL games. Napster doesn’t really follow the game so it’s a tough sell.
How many days until pitchers and catchers report???

I’ve just about had it with my job. Since the acquisition, I’m in a holding pattern and I hate, hate, hate it. The work day seems to last forever and it’s driving me nuts.