Monday, April 24, 2006

I should not be left unattended

I’ve just gotten back from another trip to Oz. They are trying to assimilate me but I’m just too damn hard headed. I should know more about my situation in the coming months. Truth be told, I don’t really care one way or the other…as long as Napster and I can get the hell out of TLTTF.

Speaking of Napster, we’re going to take an official 7-10 day vacation this year. In the past, due to circumstances beyond our control we would take multiple long weekend trips. Not this year buddy boy…
Here’s my suggestion…

Napster isn’t sold on it, go figure….
Do any of you have any vacation suggestions???

Who decided that these sunglasses were back in style??
I hated them back when my mom wore them and I hate them now…
Who’s in charge of this shit!?!?!

I’ve developed a new strategy for picking out a seat on “You are now Free to Move about the Country” Airlines.

-Right before entering the plane, discreetly wet face with water
-Pick a middle seat.(Wet face again if possible)
-Fart (multiple times if possible)
-Wait for someone to try and sit next to you, look up with a sweat glistened face and say, “I hope I don’t shit my pants before we get to (insert town)”.
-They’ll move on, trust me….

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Warn Me First Please!

I have heard from basically everyone I know that I should rent the DVD for the movie Crash. I can't even tell you how many people that have told me to watch this movie....hmm, let me see, umm, Sissy, my Sister, my hairdresser, etc. etc. I think I am the last person on Earth to watch this movie except for Spurs.

BUT, no one told me how much of an emotional roller coaster this movie was going to be. I rented it earlier in the week, more specifically when Sissy was in town over Easter weekend but I saved it to watch with Spurs since Sissy had already seen it. Sissy and I saved our viewing time for a girlie movie, 'In Her Shoes'.

So, Spurs decides he does not want to watch this movie. Not sure why, he just doesn't want to watch it. Spurs is very particular about movies he will watch on DVD.

So, Spurs goes out of town this week and I decide to watch it on my own. I watch a little last night and then conclude it tonight. I'm a two day kinda DVD watcher - you know, can't sit still for any long period of time.

So I finish watching this movie tonight. The ONLY farkin time it decides to rain and thunder in the land that time forgot Texas. It's a gloomy night, it's been a really gloomy day - especially knowing Spurs is out of town and I had absolutely no sleep last night. I even ordered 'Skeleton Key' on pay per view last night because I could not sleep without Spurs. (Stupid movie by the way, just my opinion).

So, I watch the rest of 'Crash' tonight. I am crying like a little girl, wondering where are all the nice people in the world and why does there have to be so much hate...... then I call Sissy and yell at her because she didn't warn me about the content and conclusion of this flick! Just kidding, I didn't yell because I felt so compassionate about my fellow man at that point in time.


That's all I'm sayin......

Monday, April 17, 2006

Easter Memories

I hope everyone had a nice Easter! We were lucky enough to have Sissy drive to come visit us (even though she was totally crazy for doing it). We had a great time this weekend - spa day, girlie movie day, game night, etc. etc., oh yeah and lots of drinky time :) Thanks for making the trek to come stay with us Sissy! We enjoyed it.

And one last memory of Easter.....

Friday, April 14, 2006

Little Bunny Foo-Foo

The ol' Easter Bunny better not show his cute little face in New Zealand. Otherwise, he might get his ass shot off.

Bet that would freak the little ones...

Monday, April 10, 2006

Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble

…I remember searching for the perfect words
I was hoping you might change your mind
I remember a soldier sleeping next to me
riding on the Metro…

Don’t know where that came from but try and guess the song without the use of a search engine.

With hardly anyone left in the office I’ve discovered the following:
- I can play my music as loud as I want with no regard to format
- Shoes are optional
- So is casual Friday
- I get waaaaayyyy more work done
- I cruise the internet waaaaaaayyyyyy more than previously
- No one takes my drinks from the fridge
- No other stuff to pinch from the fridge
- I crack myself up when I fart
- It echoes in here now when I fart
- Which cracks me up again
- It’s no fun getting delivery for one
- I don’t have to worry about my delivery going to the wrong place
- Ball caps can be worn in an office environment
- Football is not an indoor sport
- Five plasma TV’s unattended makes for quite a moral dilemma
- Using a wire hangar for an antenna doesn’t work with today’s TV’s
- I can curse at will and HR will be none the wiser
- Happy Hour can start waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy before 5:00

Thursday, April 06, 2006


Today's WTF comes courtesy of Georgia Democrat Cynthia McKinney

Note to Cynthia McKinney:

If you refuse to wear the pin that denotes you as a member of Congress you will be stopped and asked for ID.

You’ve been going through this since you were first elected back in 1993, so it should come as no shock.

It’s not racism, its just security doing their job.

Have you seen any of your Democrat brethren step up to show support for you??

When’s the last time any political figure didn’t want a little face time??

Maybe they’re racist too…

And for the record, I think your hair looked much better before.

It’s hard to take anything you say seriously now that you look like Sideshow Bob.

Don’t you think there are far more pressing issues??

Just wear your damn pin and stop giving me a headache.

No meatball subs after 11 PM

I had this really bizarre dream the other night and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

I was flying through the air.
This is not an uncommon thing for me to do in my dreams. I dream of flying all the time and vividly so.

Most of the time when I fly in my dreams, it’s just me, kind of Superman like I guess. This time however, I was inside of something. Not a ship, but some sort of invisible something. I could sense it more than anything.

So I’m flying around when I sense someone is following me.

I turn to see a smiling person flying towards me. I could only make out her face but I knew she was smiling and wanted me to come with her.

The fact that she wanted me to follow her scared me and I tried to fly away but she stayed right with me.

I felt her hand touch my back. I turned and asked if I was going to die.

She smiled and said to just relax.

The last thing I remember was seeing her face outlined by a brilliant light and feeling warm inside.

Then I woke up.

And felt oddly at peace.

I hope I don’t have to give a urine sample to the new bosses…