Thursday, February 16, 2006

The Olympics, Curling and Monkee Poo

I’ve tried to get into the Olympics but technology and curling continue to thwart my plans.

I try to watch a little on TV in the morning before work. But for the last 4 or 5 days, all that has been on is men and women's curling. And let me tell you, that is some boring, boring, boring shite.

I don’t mean to offend any curling players, fans or groupies but seriously, what’s that all about?
I get the premise of the game but have a hard time grasping the fan excitement. And yet, there they are up in the stands, chanting away. Huh?? What’s so exciting about sliding a rock on ice??
I’d rather watch a couple of monkeys humpin’ and flinging poo at the zoo than this.
Enlighten me, please.

So, now I’m at work.
I’m pretty busy with the “Borg” assimilation but I still like to check the news and sports and what not.
Every time I check a news or sports site, I have to remind myself to stay away from Olympic coverage.
I do this because I don’t want to know who has won (insert event) thus ruining my viewing enjoyment later that evening.
But holy hoppin’ horse shit, if that isn’t the first thing that pops up on damn near every site.
Hell, Napster was beginning to think that I had psychic powers, because I kept telling her who was going to win an event.
If you fuckers want to show something ahead of time, how about show me the winning Power Ball numbers and we’ll call it even.

Is it just me or does it seem like the Olympic committee put in all those X-Games events like the half-pipe and border cross just so the US could win a few medals. You’ll never ever see a dude from Krazechtenstein dropping into the half pipe yo’.

This is a really crappy time of the year for me.
I don’t like basketball.
Baseball isn’t here yet.
No one really to root for in Hockey.
Football is light years away
It’s a good thing my secret obsession is getting ready to kick off. Can you guess what that is????

Friday, February 10, 2006

Crazy Old Cat Lady

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish Mo a

Napster and I will be singing the special birthday song to you later this evening after cocktails and what not...

You really are getting old huh??

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Customer Service With A Smile

As happens from time to time, I was forwarded a call today from a disgruntled customer. I don’t know why I get this dubious honor but what the hell, I have thick skin.

So, I pick up the phone not knowing it’s a disgruntled customer, (Thanks Front Desk Lady) leaving me completely unprepared for the verbal tongue lashing I was about to receive.

This guy was going off, f-this and f-that you sorry mother f-er, you get the point. He never gave me a chance to jump in and try to figure out the problem.

At one point, he calls me an “ass-apple” and for whatever reason this makes me start to giggle. No shit, the harder I try to stop the harder I laugh.
Naturally, this makes the guy madder.
He’s calling me every name in the book and I am dyyyyyiiiing.
Seriously, I was howling at this point. I have one of those big, full on laughs if you can picture it.

He finally stops and demands to know “what’s so fucking funny”?
I tell him that when he called me an ass-apple it cracked me up.
The next thing I know, he’s laughing. Now we’re both laughing. People are starting to gather around my office…..crazy I tell you.

Now that we’ve had a chuckle he’s a little more open to listen and wouldn’t you know it, I was able to solve his issue.

It’s a good thing I don’t take myself too seriously or that ass-apple comment would’ve really got things going down a bad road.
He never did tell me what an ass-apple was exactly….

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Rehab could be an option

Oh dear lord, what a weekend.
I’ve just now regained my ability to type.

When I woke up Monday afternoon I went to the fridge for a bottle of water and 72 Advil. I noticed that the cat was mostly yellow. Don’t ask, cause I don’t friggin’ know but it appears to come out relatively easy…getting her close enough to the kitchen sink so I can squirt her with the hose is the tough part…

What a great weekend!!!!
The Steelers won
I won 2nd place in office pool ($90)
Got to take off on Monday and recover
When I came in today there was a nice little check for my stock options that vested when our company was bought out
Paid off my car

Back to the game…I knew Pittsburgh was going to win, when they came running onto the field and the cameras panned into the crowd. There in the crowd, was none other than Hank Williams Jr., sporting a Black cowboy hat,gold vest and waving a terrible towel. Now when HWJ has your back, you know it’s go time!!

On a professional note, it looks like Napster and I will find out where our next port of call will be sometime in the next week or so.
I’m hoping for the east coast but who knows…
Maybe Sissy should come along and we'll all live with Mo. Egads!!!!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Another fine present for somenone in the BEF

Apparently there are places where varmits run amok.

If you live in one of these places then you need to check out the "Varmit Getter".
This baby injects oxygen and propane into the varmits tunnel system and them Whammo, no more varmits.

Hell, I want to play with this thing, varmits or not...
Heh, it says fire extinguisher recommended. I love it.