Thursday, December 29, 2005

We're off

Napster and I are heading to Vegas for New Years. We'll be meeting up with Sissy and Mo (Bou's sis) so this should be pretty fun. See you guys soon...

Happy New Years!!!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

If you ever hear a pro athlete talk about his love for the game...

Boston Red Sox centerfielder and resident Red Sox Nation icon Johnny Damon signed a contract with the New York Yankees last week for 4 years valued at $53 million dollars.
Red Sox nation is pissed as hell and who can blame them…
Damon had said all summer long that he was going to remain in Boston. He would never go to New York because it was too “corporate”. I guess $53 million has a way of making that all better hmmmm Johnny-boy.

I’ve seen this a million times. I’ve read and listened to outraged fans who can’t understand why their beloved player X would bolt to another team.
Here are the cold, hard, facts boys and girls. Most professional athletes do not care if we, as fans, like them or not. They do not care about the towns for which they play. They would rather not stand around and sign autographs for you and your kids. They want to be paid and to the highest bidder go their services. It’s that simple.
I know, I know, there are some pro's that are not this way but I bet you can't name 10 and site examples and no Farve listing because he's the real deal and evryone knows it.

Last year basketball malcontent Latrell Sprewell turned down a one year $4-5 million dollar offer because, “I can’t feed my family for that kind of money”.
No shit ‘Trell, how many kids you got big daddy.

Anyway, I love sports but I do understand it’s a business.
This is why I prefer college to professional sports. You can still see a genuine love for the game in these kids’ eyes. And you know that you'll only have these kids for four years max. There's no delusion.

Things that I love about college athletics –

90,000 screaming fans @ Williams Brice
Chief Crapiola planting his spear at the fifty in Crapahassee
The Tigers touching Howard’s’ Rock before bounding down the hill
Touchdown Jesus
The Big House
The world’s largest cocktail party
The Final Four
Knoxville on a football Saturday
Death Valley
Between the Hedges
The Iron Bowl
The Bean Pot Tournament

Just to name a few of the places I've been and seen...

I can’t wait to see Johnny return to Fenway next season. I can hear the heckling already…
And if it’s any consolation to the Red Sox nation, the Yanks overpaid for Damon. Hell, my grandmother has a better arm than this cream-puff and she’s damn near 100 years old.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Stella the Wonder Cat - Computer Genius

Have you ever had to share your computer with your cat? Everyday Stella and I go through this routine. Now I have the pictures to prove it!

Napster: Stella, can I use the computer now?

Stella: Can't you see I' m working here, leave me alone....

Napster: STELLA! I'm not gonna tell you again! Get off of the computer!

Stella: I'll give her my mean look and maybe she will go away....

I'm buying a water pistol......

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Ummm Yeth Caller....

I'm not sure if this was a hint but check out this conversation from earlier today...

Napster - We sure do have a lot of Christmas cards on the fridge'.
Me - Y'up
Napster - Look at all the kids.
Me - Uh-huh
Napster - All those kids up there and none are ours...
Me - *spits out soft-drink* Ummmmm....well....uh-huh...*heads for the car*

Thoughts on this o'wise memebers of the blogosphere?? Maybe I was just reading too much into the conversation.

Monday, December 19, 2005


Here we are…the week before Christmas and if you work in a corporate setting you know that nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to get done between now and New Years.
I have two projects that I’m working on since being grounded by the buy-out. Both require gathering information from outside sources but the only thing I’ve gotten for the last 3 hours is a successive string of voice mails and “Out Of Office Assistants.”

Napster’s niece and nephew are getting laptops for Christmas. Not some Leap Frog Learning pad but full on Dell Laptops…one for each…how cool is that??

This got me thinking about when I was a kid and some of the presents I had received. Those were the days…might not have been very technologically advanced but damn, I had fun…

Can you remember back when “Lawn Darts” actually had metal tips??? I damn near killed my little brother with one of those things…he’s lucky I missed…
Try whipping these puppies out at a pinic now days and you'll be pummled by every mommy present.

Another favorite was the “Mr. Quarterback.” I couldn’t find an old picture of the original version but you get the idea. The only difference was that back in the day, the machine had an actual catapult arm that flung the ball. The ball never came out in a spiral and that sucked but it only took me about 5 minutes to figure out that “other” things could be hurtled across the yard and that’s where the fun began. Heh!
I once held my brother and father at bay for a good 45 minutes armed only with crab-apples…sucked running out of ammo though….

Next on the list of faves was my “Green Machine”. Damn!! I loved that thing, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why my parents bought it. Our driveway wasn’t even paved, it was crushed rock. Who does that shit to a kid on Christmas!?!? Look Johnny, here’s a super neato riding machine. Guess what?? You can’t play with it because it won’t ride on crushed rock. This beauty wound up being stored at my Grandmothers house that just so happened to live close by and happened to have a wonderfully large, paved driveway. Think my parents planned that???

Lastly is my first big kid bike. The Schwinn Stingray, need I say more. She was perfect and we were never far apart for about 4 years. Jumping ramps, skinning knees, popping wheelies, riding with no hands, off to school and back again, putting lame baseball cards in the spokes to make that sound (you know what I mean), riding to practice…I can still smell the air. If only things were as simple now as they were back then…

Anyway, do you guys remember any cool toys from back in the days before micro-chips and giga-bytes?

Friday, December 16, 2005

A little life lesson...

It’s going to take a while to get there but just hear me out…

I grew up in the South and never really had to deal with tough winter weather. One lesson that I did learn however was that once the warning for inclement weather was issued everybody had to dash off to the local grocery store for milk, bread and eggs. I can’t say that I ever understood this but I guess somebody must think that milk, toast and scrambled eggs were just the thing to have if you’re snow bound. Seriously.

Fast forward to my move to Grand Rapids Michigan.
I think it started snowing somewhere around Cincinnati and my buddy who was riding shotgun looks over and says “Where do you think we can get some milk, bread and eggs?” No shit. I think this is genetically ingrained or something…
I was being cool but really in the back of my head I was wondering the same thing.

So anyway, we hit the GR and there must have been 3 feet of snow on the ground and it’s dumping like you wouldn’t believe. We unhitch the U-Haul and head off to the store in search of milk, bread and eggs. I could play it off and say we were going to get supplies since I just moved but we were really freaked and I would just be lying.

At the store, I noticed that no one had that wild-eyed, Thanksgiving, Wal-Mart shopper look in their eyes. Hmmmm….maybe this won’t be such a big deal after all.

Fast forward three winters.
During which time I spent significant time in the Upper Peninsula, Detroit, Chicago, Des Moines, Moline and the Quad Cities. Not to mention all the times we would hop over to Canada and wreak havoc. Snow didn’t mean shit. The best lesson I learned was how to do the ice shuffle walk. This is an interesting little phenomenon found in those areas that experience winters icy grip. Looks kind of like a penguin walk but believe me when I say you cannot take full strides in icy conditions. You will go ass over tea-kettle. Trust me. I’ve got the scars to prove it.

Fast forward to today.
A little light dusting of snow hits TLTTF. No big deal.
I head out for lunch and forgot about the one really good lesson I learned up north. The fall was cartoonish in that both feet flew out from underneath me and I traveled a good 5 yards before impact. But you know what’s funnier than that?? On the way down all I could think about was having to go the store for milk, bread and eggs.

I’m going home. My back hurts.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Happy Holidays

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Weather, Driving and Dip-Sticks

I’m not sure why, but it seems like whenever there is an instance of inclement weather people completely lose all driving ability.
I’ve witnessed this phenomenon all over the US, so it’s not isolated to a geographic region.
Rain, wind, sleet, ice and snow all appear to be some sort of triggering mechanism that turns sane, rational human beings into complete idiots.

The posted speed limits are for perfect driving conditions. Snow and ice are not considered perfect so doing double the speed limit would, in my estimation, be stupid.

I know what your thinking…Spurs drives like a little old lady.
Contrary to that assumption, I know when to drop the hammer and when to back off.

The same cannot be said for the dip-sticks I witnessed bouncing off one another this morning.
Here’s a tip for ya’ big fella in the red truck. Four wheel drive does not mean four wheel stop. Little thing you may have heard of called ice…
I’m glad that you were not hurt but I think you made the lady in the other lane shit her pants.

Another thing, if you are 183 years old, have a car the size of a battle cruiser, wear glasses so thick that you can look down and see hell, can’t see over the steering wheel and don’t know your right from your left. Please stay off the road.
I know you and Pee-Paw have to get to McDonalds for the senior coffee and Egg McMuffin but damn, I’m sick of dodging around you and the aftermath you create.
Little tip for ya, just because you have your left turn signal on does not mean you can make that turn from the god damn right lane. Are we clear??

We got some weather here in TLTTF last night. Can you tell??
It could be worse though, thinking about driving in Atlanta and Detroit still makes my eyes twitch.

Monday, December 05, 2005


First, Thank You to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday. And Super Thanks to Mo for leaving me her rendition of "the song" on my voice mail. We'll just have to work on the timing next year...
I'm not much of a "Birthday Guy" but on the Suck Scale of 1 to 10, this year was probably about a 9.4.
So again thanks for the well wishes.

Napster is on the road this week, traveling to beautiful Dayton, Ohio. Mmmm boy, it should be balmy this time of year. Drive safe kiddo.

It looks like Napster and I will be resuming our gypsy ways sometime around the first of the year. The company I work for has been purchased and my being retained does not look promising. We're a little nervous but excited as well. You know, new town, new adventures and what not. Who knows where we'll wind up. My vote is for Vegas but everytime I suggest this to Naps she looks at me like I just farted. We'll see...I'm trying subliminal persuasion techniques that cannot be revealed at this time...

Football news-Damn!! I can't seem to shake Smiling Dynamite in the salary league. She's very good. Good luck the last few weeks(he says sarcastically)
Napster has fallen on hard times in the pick-em league. Her last selection criteria involved places she'd like to spend New Years. Hopefully she can turn things around...Does ant one have any suggestions for her??

I was very pleased to watch FSU Pimp Slap Virgina Tech this weekend but I don't think they should be going to a BCS game.

Carolina is slated to play Missouri in the Independence Bowl. Wanna make a bet Sissy??? C'mon, it doesn't have to involve money. We could do something creative...

USC and Texas for the Championship, Notre Dame and Ohio State...this should be some rightous football my friends.

I love when it gets cold. I'm a jacket, fleece , sweater kind of guy. However, once it turns cold I morph into Static Man(cue Super Hero Music) I can zap anyone all day long, just ask my cat. I just zapped her so hard she cut one. Kitty farts are funny...

Gotta go, you've been a great crowd...don't forget to tip your waitress and bartender, they're working hard for ya"