Fart Ninja

I noticed that we received a lot of comments on the "Quote of the Week" post. That made me laugh - considering I really was the "Fart Ninja" in question. Everyone automatically thought it was Spurs.

It's funny how when you start dating someone your grooming is impeccable - well at least it is for women. You never have stubble on your legs, you may even go to the extreme of waxing certain areas (I haven't forgotten about the tweezing that Morrigan failed to tell me about). You always look your best when you go out on a date - well I guess if you really like the person you do. And as far as women go - you never, and I mean never fart in front of the person you are dating (unless it is a rare tickling accident). It may go to such an extreme that you leave to go home if you know you have to do #2 rather than spending the night like you were planning to do. God forbid you do #2 and he happens to enter the bathroom afterwards, or in most cases the bathroom is near where he is currently sitting and no amount of water pressure from turning on the faucet or the tub will cover up certain sounds.

Then you hit the second stage - this is the stage where you are totally comfortable with the other person, you know you will not be dating other people and you basically have that first initial commitment and you pretty much know you are on the road to living together or marriage or both. This is a very dangerous stage - either you are comfortable with every aspect of being together or there are still small areas that you refuse to share with your partner - everyone is different.

I remember the first time I farted in front of Spurs - I believe it was an accident - I have never seen anyone spit their drink that far or laugh that hard. I of course was probably beet red and ready to crawl under a rock. But that makes me wonder - why is it so taboo for women to pass gas in front of their partner? Men do not hesitate to pass gas and refuse to either acknowledge that it's gross or apologize for it - and believe me - the funk coming from a man fart is way more offensive than from a woman fart (just my opinion).

So to conclude, yes, I am the fart ninja, and if I am warm in my bed and I suddenly have to pass gas (which is not frequent but it does happen) I am not going to get up, walk into the bathroom, shut the door, turn on the water or flush the toilet, and then fart. Spurs and I have been together for a while - we are totally comfortable with each other and have been since our first date. If he has no problem with doing it in front of me, I'm sorry, I'm not going to get out of a perfectly warm bed to fart in a cold bathroom.