Thursday, August 16, 2007

Duct Tape Bandit

Ha!! Freakin classic!!
Time to thin out the herd....

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Shaun will soon be gone

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

New Rule : Stop giving me that pop-up ad for! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them!? Besides, I already know what the captain of the basketball team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.

New Rule : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?? Trout?

New Rule : Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule : If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule : Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule : Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half- soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule : I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule : Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting??? Oh wait!? They're already doing that--It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule : I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

I'm out

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

F**king Freedom

Have you ever just taken a day. A day where you would normally do your weekday routine, whether it be go to work, clean your house, go run errands, etc. etc. and just decided to say f**k it all and do absolutely nothing. Well that was me today. I was so tired, not sleeping well, stressed out, etc. and decided to say f**k it and do absolutely nothing today. Lynkin and I layed on the couch and watched about five movies today. In between I went and got take out lunch that I normally wouldn't eat during the week because it's not good for me. F**k that! It was my day - I can do whatever I want. Spurs told me last night I needed this day and he was right. I'm glad I listened to him. I had a great day of doing absolutely f**king nothing. I highly recommend it.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Cue Evil Sounding Music...

While Daddy was on the road I decided to go to the dark side.....

Umm Yeth Caller

I was on my way home from Charlotte and stopped for lunch.

Went into the bathroom to take a leak and wash my hands and there was some guy in the crapper doing his business and holding what sounded like a conference call on the phone.

First of all, I think that's a breach of etiquette but have we as a society, reached a point where we're so connected via mobile devices that you can hold a meeting while taking a dump at a Zaxby's.

I won't even let the dog in the can while I poop.
Just sayin'

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I Miss You Spurs

Spurs is on his first road trip for his new position. I'm very proud of Spurs, having survived I don't know how many lay-off's, buy-out's, etc. he has survived and it's because of his skills - he has mad skills. However, with this new position he will be on the road a lot, especially in the beginning. At least it's road travel and not air travel. I really get nervous when he is in the air all day on 5 different planes.

It's tough though, this week will be the longest time we have spent apart. Mainly because I am going out of town at the end of the week and won't be back until Sunday. I'm looking forward to my trip but not being away from Spurs.

So to remind Spurs what I miss about him, I have compiled the following list:

* I miss coming home after work and having Spurs at home asking me how my day went, talking about our collective gripes with our jobs.

* I miss him preparing dinner while we have the Ipod blaring and every now and again, in between preping and cooking, slow dancing in the kitchen or living room.

* I miss sitting on the couch, watching our recorded shows on the DVR while holding hands and laughing at either Lynkin or Stella or both.

* I miss our evening tea on our balcony.

* I miss getting ready for bed, crawling into bed, and getting into our snuggle positions while watching CNN and drifting off to sleep holding one another.

* I miss waking up early in the morning while Spurs is still asleep and he always pulls at my PJ's as I try to crawl out of bed, playfully trying to keep me in the bed.

* I miss kissing his cheek as I am leaving the house to go to work and him saying "I love you, be careful, and have a good day."

This is how our typical work week goes. Not having him here is quite lonely. We talk on the phone every day but it's not the same. I am however very proud of him and we will get through all of this travel time, we have in the past. It's just tough sometimes.

I miss you babe and can't wait to see you on Sunday!

Now - TAG, you are it, you have to write a "Miss You" post to me...

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Kitty Doppler

Screw Jim Cantore and the Weather Channel.
I have something far superior to alert me to impending bad weather.
I call it Kitty Doppler.

Ever since we lived in Lubbock, any time a severe thunder and lightning type event is about to hit, our cat Stella goes mental about 2 hours prior.
She didn't freak like this in Charleston but I guess the storms in Lubbock triggered some sort of barometric monitor. She gets all crouched down and makes this painful mewing sound and looks for a place to hide.

She alerted me yesterday at around 2:30. I checked the Weather Channel and they said nothing. I was writing this post around 4 or so and the bottom dropped out. I checked the Weather Channel and now they had alerts. Lightning, thunder high winds and rain and voila, the power gets knocked out. Couldn't find the cat anyhere.

About 45 minutes later Stella pops out from behind some books on a book shelf in the center most part of the house and gives the all clear by rolling on her back and showing me her what nots. There was no power so I couldn't check and see if the Weather Channel agreed. But for my money, I'm sticking with the cat.