And what not...

Contagion got me going with one of his posts and then I couldn't shut up. One of these days I'll learn how to track back...

…why do I have to write a 3 sentence explanation for “Parking” on my expense report? I think the word kind of explains itself.

…Ditto for “Laundry”, “Rental Cars”, “Taxi” and “Hotel Room.”

…I appreciate the fact that some people could abuse the corporate card they were given but AMEX ran MY credit so please pay MY bill on time. Otherwise I'll march down to that little patch of hell known as Accounts Payable and fart. I swear I will…ask my wife she knows.

…A/P does not like my funny little comments in the explanation section of my expense reports.

…I think I may have won the Texas Lottery but can’t get to the site to check my numbers because it’s blocked by IT.

…It’s probably good that IT blocked this site because it would lower my productivity. Plus I'd walk right out the door if I found out I actually won.

…I can access E-Bay, Amazon, ESPN, NY Times, Blogger, USA Today, The USC athletics homepage, Google, Ask Jeeves…I bet these sites don’t lower productivity.

…Somebody took the last of my PEZ right out of Homers mouth and I’m pissed. I will find the culprit.

…I guess it was fair since I snuck down and took the last jelly donut from those cows in A/P.

...Must remember to mute my internal monologue.

...The green arrow means go you jack-ass.

…I love animals, particularly dogs. I realize that with our travel and the fact that we live in an apartment a dog is not a viable pet option at this moment in time.

…Why does every other person in our apartment complex own a dog? Have you ever watched someone walking their dog in an apartment complex? No one looks happy, the owner or the dog. The owner just wants the dog to crap and the dog wants off the leash to run around before taking a crap.

…Please clean up your dog crap or I’m going to start peeing off of the porch.

…Lubbock has no trees.

…Without trees, why is there always bird shit on my car?

…I’ve stayed in a hotel room over 70 nights this year.

…I’m a Platinum member of a hotel chain.

…The hotel chain sent me a present. It was a luggage tag. Thanks guys. Nothing screams you’re a valued customer more than a cheap ass luggage tag.

...Why would objects in mirror be closer than they appear? What sick fucker thought this would be a good idea?? I know, let's make a mirror thet will give the illusion of being at a safe distance and hope that Ol'Granny Dust Panties (I was going to use another word but didn't want to offend) doesn't back over everyone.

...It's not apathy, I just don't give a shit. I really could go on about this one but I don't want to get dooced.

...I really think Congress has way more pressing issues to deal with other than trying to legislate steroid punishment in sports. They want to protect the integrity of the games I know...how about working on the integrity of the goverment you pin-heads.

…Lubbock is rated one of America’s heaviest cities.

….There are 50 pages of restaurants listed in the phonebook.

…There are 5 gyms in Lubbock.

…Does my butt look bigger to you??

…I’m going to get a sandwich.

...wash, rinse, repeat