Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to work we go

Some people just piss me off…

Let me back up for a moment.
I travel quite a bit.
I bet you I’ve been through every major airport in the U.S. and most of the little ones.
If I had to guess, I would say that I’ve been on over 500 flights in my lifetime.

Over this time, I’ve learned a few tricks on how to travel. And by this I mean, how to pack, what time to get to specific airports, what airline is better for what route, what airport to eat in, when it’s best to use a sky cap, etc. Hell, in some airports I can even tell you where there are secret bathrooms.

The one thing I haven’t been able to figure out however, is how to travel for a day meeting and show up looking presentable.
By this, I mean leaving early in the morning to arrive in another city for day long meetings.
Oh, don’t get me wrong, I can do those flights. It’s just that I never show up looking quite as professional as I did when I left.

I see these men all the time, suit perfectly pressed, shoes gleaming, not a hair out of place.
They get on the plane and place their perfectly folded jacket in the overhead bin.
Not once does someone else try to stuff an “overnighter” in the same compartment.
They can drink coffee, eat the morning snack, type away on their Blackberry while reading the Wall Street Journal in a light colored linen suit and never spill a mother fucking drop.
Fuckers!!

I on the other hand will have my coat mangled by some bitch trying to shove a 140lb suitcase into the overhead. Then have some lady with a baby sit beside me and watch in disbelief as she gives the toddler his god damn juice. Guess where this shit winds up??? My lap of course. FUCK!!!!!!!!
Then the guy in front of me will slam his seat back, knocking my coffee on me and the kid causing the little fucker to cry non-stop until we land.

I try and I try but it never fails. By the time I get off the plane I look like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag.

This happened yesterday.
On the way home, I saw one of the perfect traveler guys. We both left from the same airport at 6:00 AM. It was now 11:00 PM and the little pecker head still looked immaculate. I looked like I had just gone three rounds with Butterbean.

So I hit him…
And it felt good…
And his little Abercrombie tie just wasn’t quite straight anymore…