Thursday, August 18, 2005

Puss N Balls

This morning I go out onto my patio for my morning smoke (yes, I know, no comments about smoking please) and there is a new furry friend sitting on one of my patio chairs.

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Well I was a bit concerned because my main furry friend Stella was inside and totally freaking out about this while looking through the patio door window. So I tried to shoo my new friend away but he wasn't having it.

He you say, how did I know it was a he? Well, let's just say I've never had a male cat before and man did he have the biggest set of you know what for a cat. So, therefore I will call him Balls.

As I am trying to shoo Balls away from my patio so Stella will quit freaking out there is a lady walking her dog along the walkway outside my patio. She says, "oh let me help you", I say "you know this cat", she say's "well he's kind of a community cat", I say "oh, okay, now I feel really bad for trying to shoo him away but my cat is freaking out". So she tries to help me but Mr. Balls is not having any of that. He likes the cushy patio chair and ain't budging. Fine, let him have his nap and he will be on his way I thought. So she says "we call him Dakota". Muwahaha, well not anymore, his name now is Balls. Or Mr. Balls. Whichever he prefers.

So throughout my day I have been taking my smoke breaks on my patio and there he is, Mr. Balls. Just hanging out on the chair and napping with an occasional pass in front of the patio door window to get Stella all in a frenzy. I tried to explain to Stella she should play a little more hard to get. But no, she was standing on her hind legs and waving her naughty bits all in front of Mr. Balls. Stella is a tiny kitty and I explained it will never work out between her and big Mr. Balls.

By the way, do cat's have a penis like dogs? Does the pink lipstick come out like it does with dogs? Eww, I really don't want to find that part out.

So I gave in. After lunch I got a couple of small tupperware bowls and filled one with purified water (which is what Stella gets now) and one with Cat Chow. I had a very large bag of Cat Chow and just felt wrong that there was a hungry Mr. Balls on my patio and I had all this Cat Chow. So I go out and put the water down first. He gets off of his chair and checks it out but doesn't drink it. I then put the bowl of Cat Chow down. Man, I've never seen a cat eat so fast in my life. He had that bowl of Chow down in about 1 minute. So therefore I felt better. Mr. Balls has a full tummy now and can go on his merry little way doing whatever he does during the day.

Not so much, he jumps back up in the chair looks at me, meows, then goes back to sleep. Oh well, I just let him be. Later on throughout the day he moved from here to there on the patio getting out of the sun. Right now he's curled up in the only shaded corner right now.

I will continue to give him food if he shows up again. He's quite skinny around the middle and looks like he hasn't had any nutritious food in a while. Probably more dumpster diving type stuff. I figure, hey, I don't want another indoor cat but if he is happy with being outside and living that way who am I to judge. And then again who am I to withhold the yummy Cat Chow goodness when we have plenty of it in our household.

I'm sure Spurs will be thrilled when he gets back. The main objective is to keep Stella inside and Mr. Balls outside when going out on the patio for our smoke breaks. Small price to pay I think so that Mr. Balls has a full tummy everyday :)


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